Getting What You Want.

Fellow Flirts,

It’s the second last day of one of the worst years of my life, I’ve finished work and have sat down to write something I should have done a few days ago but I have been in a daze. A cock daze if you will. I still am. I am having trouble even concentrating enough to admit it.  I have never responded well to deadlines but spending more time thinking about mens genitalia in the past 24 hours than I have in a very long time is ridiculous, even for me.

There’s been a thorn in my side for a few months now. Let’s call him Tom.
Think beard, vans, guitarist, band t-shirts, asshole. Ridiculously good looking and a fantastic kisser, which I discovered a few evenings ago (belated christmas present from life I’m sure of it).

This persistent attraction coupled with my non existent sex life has resulted in a dilly of a pickle. I’m borderline infatuated with this person… and he’s never someone I could date. I can’t shake the feeling that I want to spend several continuous days in bed with him. It was unplanned, we spent the night getting cosy after hanging out at the pub with some mutual friends, I stayed over, we did things, but we didn’t engage in intercourse.  He is magnetic and makes my face buzz with happiness. My mind has been consumed by the image of him naked for at least 90% of my waking hours since. Having felt that, I have a problem which has manifested in the form of me being too scared to go all the way. I’m not sure if I could, if given the opportunity.

Recalling the events preceding my intimate encounter, I realised I pretty much exhibited every conceivable behaviour that constitutes what most people class as faux pas to deter men. It totally bagged him and this makes me so excited. He loves how I laugh with my whole body, can hang out with the boys and they’re happy to be around me, and I think that he loves it a little bit that I pretend not to be interested in him but I totally am. Who knows though, it’s all speculation at this point. I’m not going to say too much about it now seeing as though tomorrow night, new years eve, will probably determine the dynamic or possibility of us ever doing a sleepover again… oh boy do I want to do it again.

Happy EndYear,

Emily ‘aaaaaaaaand I’m already thinking of him naked in the shower again’ Vans.

NEXT UP – “Watching the borderlines…what is the point of no return between hilarity and shameful flirting” This will probably be a doozy because I have a very innapropriate sense of humour which I have little or no ability to control even when talking with potential babes.



Where I’m at, a bit about where I’ve been and what I am hoping for…

As a 20 something single lady, partial to the cup of tea and friend of the cat, you’re probably thinking come on Emily throw another cliché into the works of someone who is destined to be forever alone. Fuck that. I can be those things and also someone worthy of having a lovely man to call my own. I’ve got a good job, I’m enrolled in a great degree and I like to get rowdy. The only thing that seems to be problem is that I am partial to only dating assholes. Is it so bad that I want to date a six foot + lumberjack looking guy who likes to read? I think I need to mix up my expectations, and put myself out there to have some of my pre conceived notions of what a relationship is to the test. I’ll say it now, I am scared.

The last time I sat down to write about my dating experiences, it was prompted by a very unfortunate evening spent with someone I had engaged with over the internet. It was basically a blind date; he turned out to be approximately a third of my height, very obviously homosexual and he had a peculiar issue with his skin (file away the idea of facial antiperspirant). Within 3 days of that experience, which prompted a swift life re evaluation, I was asked out by someone… so the writing idea got put on the shelf once again. Going on a bad date can make you jump at the next half decent proposition to come your way. Watch out for this.

Fast track a year and a half and here I am, I’ve been single for a year aside from a brief 1 and a half month stint with a pathological weed addict, and I’m ready to throw caution to the wind and get back into dating.

I’m sick of feeling like I’m bordering on becoming that discarded piece of fruit come the end of market day. Even though I have previously been discounted, nobody is keen to buy me (read as analogy of lowering one’s standards in an attempt to find a partner, see also ex boyfriend).

I guess I’m doing this to curb that feeling that I’m growing ever more cynical towards the prospect of finding someone compatible. I don’t want to be ‘crazy aunt emily’ the mid 40’s spinster who hasn’t had a boyfriend in the last decade. I want to take a practical approach to dating which enables me to be myself, wear normal clothes, not have to talk about corporate board meetings or algorithms to try and prove my intelligence. I am looking forward to working out a few different ways to let someone get to know me without knowing every detail of my life. How the hell do I do this? Right now, I don’t know.

At the moment; I hate dating, I think its nerve wracking and most of the guys I have gone on that initial date with I have found disgusting.

Here’s to hoping things might be a bit different for me in 2012! This might get interesting…

Emily Vans